Day 3, 2-6-17 Congratulations your dad’s a hobo.

Hey Baby,

I love you. Today was another great day. Your Uncle Alex got to see you, Kathy of the Bill and Kathy saw you, 3 of moms besties came by: Janssen, and Lindsey and Cait. Everyone loved you and it’s fun for mom and me to show you off. We also had some big milestones. You got fed breast milk for the first time, and mommy made breast milk for you for the first time. You had been fed a mixture of glucose, amino acids and lipids (fats) so far. You were doing so well that the doctors decided to give you breast milk from mothers who have donated. Its cool even more people who haven’t even met you or heard about you are loving you in their own special way. Mommy had been pumping for a while now and until today had no milk coming out. Today we got maybe 5-10 ml total. It looks painful, I don’t envy mom. It also doesn’t sound or look like much, but her milk is still coming in, and they only feed you 1 ml a few times a day. She’s so excited to be producing breast milk for you finally. She still feels guilty for having to have you so early, and being able to give you her milk makes her feel like she’s able to help you and do something good and nurturing for you.

I have fallen victim to this new routine and change in priorities. I went to the cafeteria yesterday for breakfast and bumped into an old friend. We exchanged a big hug and updates on our family and she gave us very kind words. As I was sitting eating my breakfast alone, I realized I haven’t showered, shaved or changed clothes in a little too long. My clothes don’t really fit, as everything I am wearing is something someone brought by. I have bags under my eyes. I’ve been using your moms deodorant; they say strong enough for a man but ph balanced for a woman. That’ a lie, I smell terrible. I look and feel like a hobo, no disrespect to hobos, but I have a new respect for their lifestyle. I sleep in weird uncomfortable places, shower, brush my teeth and shave at times, but clearly not a top priority. I find myself walking around this hospital kind of lost sometimes. I make weird awkward conversations with people I don’t know. After all this I think I am gonna try  to help homeless shelters or advocacy groups. They need it. I have a deeper understanding of what they go through. Today’s post is not about me struggling, I am still loving every moment. I am sure this experience will turn into a grind at some point but as of now I’m floating on endorphins and the joys of fatherhood.