Hello Baby, you had probably the most difficult day we’ve had so far. It at least feels that way. You have definitely been through worse, but this feels like a step backwards. Your surgery went as expected. You were intubated about 5 pm for your 8 pm surgery. The surgery lasted 2 hours. The eye doctor said it went well and he is confident it will work. You did not enjoy your tube back in your lungs. You had to stay on it for about 23 hours. The sedation medicine you required for surgery kept you sluggish for a while. Your heart rate and breathing were really all over the place for a long time. You were clearly as uncomfortable as I can remember seeing you. I think you are more expressive now and also know what its like to be comfortable. You had lots of secretions from having the tube and fought with it so much the staff was forced to take it out. When they did you clearly had a sore throat and loud stridor, which is a loud high-pitched noise made when you breathe in and out. We could ear you breathe from the hallway outside your room. The doctors started giving you medicine to help, but it didn’t seem to make things better. Mommy came up to see you and started bawling when she saw you in such an uncomfortable state. So she stayed and held you late into the night. It was really hard to see you like this. We know it was the right choice, as it’s a small price to pay to not go blind, but it hurts just the same. You have been through so much already watching this just made us each feel so bad for you and we wanted to comfort you in any way possible. I came up the next morning hoping to see improvement, and you till looked uncomfortable and still had loud stridor. Your eyes were basically swollen shut, and you would wake up only to cry yourself back to sleep. You did smile at me as soon as I started talking to you this morning. That made me feel better. I also immediately called in sick to work and decided to spend the day with you. I held you and it really made us each feel much better. Your stridor clearly improved. You still tried to cry every hour or so, but slept pretty peacefully in between. Your heart rate would drop by half every 2-3 minutes and you would not breathe for about 10 seconds then it would all return to normal for a bit. The nurses said it’s not uncommon and just signaling an unhappy baby. Mommy is coming in later as I return to work this evening. You are showing signs of improvement. I feel much better this afternoon than I did this morning. You have your cannula back in but don’t seem to need it. I feel like your lungs are now fine and you are just dealing with a very swollen and sore throat. We are both ready for you to be done with all of these tubes. You still have yet to sleep for more than a few hours without being poked or prodded. We are sorry that you’ve had this rough and bumpy life so far. We both promise to hold you a little longer and touch you a little softer when you get home.
Letters to Holland 