Day 92, May 6, 2017; Chapter 2

Today is my last day in the captain’s chair here at Letters to Holland. You dad comes home today and I’m sure he’s missed talking to you, so I’m going to hand the reigns back over to him. I’ve thrown a lot of stuff you at the past couple days, so today I’ll try to keep it simple and talk to you from my heart, from where I stand today at this very moment.
I love you. I love your sister just the same. I love our family. There’s nothing I won’t do for this family of ours. It is the single most important thing in the world to me, and it’s the most important thing to you girls, as well. I promise you that I will fight for it in any and every way that I can, for you.
I want nothing more than to have you at home, with Mommy and Daddy and Ro, and to just….be. Our journey so far has been amazing, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it’s been trying. All the trials that have been given to us have taken their toll and we’re tired. There have been tears, lots of tears, and fear and frustration and joy and laughter and pain. There’s been uncertainty and hope and exhaustion. Most importantly, there has been growth. This journey we’ve come through has been hard, and we’ve faced things that would never have been imaginable a year ago. Things we didn’t see coming, things we didn’t know how to handle, things we didn’t even realize were happening as they did. Things that pushed Mommy and Daddy and you to the very edge of what we could withstand. Things we’re all still trying to recover from. But quitting, giving up, or walking away from our family, any one of us, is not an option.
When our life’s course demands we face obstacles and hardships such as we have lately, it’s natural to become exhausted, to want to give up. At times it can seem impossible that you’ll get through it or ever be the same, be normal, again. But you must always know, baby, that that’s not the truth. While you likely won’t ever be the same again (you’ll be better than you were when you started) you can always, always heal and make it through. You must stay focused. You must be careful to not succumb to discouragement and distractions; though tempting to do, that will only disillusion you, cloud your vision, and make things more difficult. Mommy has learned this lesson the hard way. Pull yourself back. Those hard times are building us, making us better. They’re part of the work we have to do to become our best selves. They are worth it. You are worth it. Our family is worth it.
Part of the miracle of your existence is the tremendous amount of growth it has inspired in me. You have changed the world. My world, at least. I will never be the same as I was before I met you. Having you has pushed me to grow even from things that happened before you were conceived. That growth hasn’t come easy or free, but I’m grateful for all of it. Now we look to the future, a calmer future that we’ve earned. To bringing you home and loving you. To enjoying one another. To watching you and your sister develop your relationship. To family snuggles in bed, laughing at your funny faces. To 3 am feedings, to your first laugh, to giving you a lemon wedge so Mommy and Daddy can laugh together at your reaction. (Babies with lemons is one the best things about life. Sorry kid, it’s happening.) To growing with you. To finally being able to exhale, look around, and say, “We made it.” The skies are clearing, you’re almost home, and I’m so ready to begin the next chapter, the one your daddy and I had hoped for when we were waiting for you to happen. You are so loved, Holland Rose, by all of us. We can’t wait to welcome you home.