Letters to Holland

Hello Baby, you had another great day today!  You gained more weight; 10 grams and that makes you 1 lb 14 oz. A weight of two whole pounds is just around the corner. Mommy and I both remarked that you looked bigger. You really are filling out, that’s a good thing baby. It sounds like the kind of remarks I heard a lot in middle school. I was not a fan of.them, but in your case its great to see. Your vent settings were stable and blood gases good all day.  You seemed to feel good all day. You didn’t get as fussy as usual during diaper changes. I think you are thankful for your transfusion you had last night.You weren’t pale and looked very content and peaceful. All in all it was a great day. You have grown strong and big. We all love you and you make us proud.

 

Hello Baby, you had another great day today. I got to hold you again. It was just as fun and even more comfortable as last time. I am learning how to situate myself for 3 hours of no  moving. You made two of the poopiest diapers you’ve ever had. Congrats. I thought you would lose weight again because of them, but you didn’t. You gained 20 grams. You also had a transfusion today and the weigh-in was afterwards.  That can account for some of the weight, just not sure how much. Not much weaning down on the vent settings today, but with all the recent activity I am not surprised. We can focus more on weening tomorrow.

Mommy and Daddy went to a NICU support group dinner. We had a great time. Big Sis was able to go with us and she enjoyed herself and made bunches of new friends. She still is not allowed in the NICU, but she asks about you all the time. She is excited for you to come home someday. We all love you. You have a big family and lots of friends that can’t wait for you to come home! You inspire us and make us proud.

 

Hello Baby, You had a great day today. Your vent settings and blood gases all looked great all day. You handled your food well, but you did have a little diarrhea. That probably is the reason you lost 10 grams throughout the day. I am not really concerned, I would guess its water weight.

Mommy got to  hold you today. She also helped out at bath time. I guess she enjoyed it more than you did. It is not really like a soft warm bath, more like a rub down that you don’t really appreciate. It is probably hard to sleep while being rubbed down by giants. You slept perfectly while mom held you for 3 hours. The nurses were even talking about how well you did. You need less oxygen and have lower heart rate when you are held. I guess statistically the more babies are held the better they do.

Overnight, you had a couple brady episodes, which is when you heart rate drops from 160ish down to under 100 for  20-30 seconds. This is not uncommon at all. I have witnessed this multiple times. It can be a sign of a few different things, tube placement, infection, fluid in your lungs, or just that you are in an uncomfortable position. Since it happened  a few times overnight they scheduled a X-ray  for you first thing in the morning, but no one seems concerned, so neither am I. Mommy and I love you and you make us very proud. Keep on keepin’ on. 

Hello Baby, You had a great day today, and so did I! You gained 30 grams again! That puts you in at a whopping 1 lb 13 oz. This is such exciting news. It really seems as if as soon as another issue arrives you tackle it. You know when and how to step your game up, you always respond. You have impressed us all even your doctors.

Today was so fun, I was able to hold you and had a great time. This was only my second time and the first in  a few weeks. I love it. We took a little nap together. It was peaceful and quiet and warm. I used to think  the best nap you can ever have is what I call a  Master’s. Early April every year there is a beautiful golf tournament call The Master’s. Beautiful background of luscious green foliage, a soft track of birds chirping layered over the smooth tranquilizing voice of one Jim Nantz whispering in your ear, has always been the perfect recipe for a passage over into the most peaceful nap one could experience.  Well you beat it babe, sharing one with you beats The Master’s nap any day. I loved it so much. You made my day.  We love you and you make us proud!

 

Hello Baby, you had a great day today. Your echo came back and the problem with your heart has not got worse. It actually got better, great news. Your blood gases stayed in the good zone all day. You also gained an ounce and weighed in a 1 lb 12 oz. All around great news.

I was at work all day so I only got to see you in the morning before work. I definitely missed you. Work was okay, there were storms overnight and neither Mommy or I slept well. She called up to make sure the power outages didn’t bother your ventilator.You were doing fine, sleeping like, well a baby.

Mommy came up to see you in the evening and you were sound asleep, which is good, but mommy wanted to interact a little. So she was talking to you, but you wouldn’t have it, sound asleep. She started to sing “You Are My Sunshine” and as soon as you heard the first few notes, you had to see mommy. The two of you had eye contact as she serenaded you. When the song was over you drifted back off into sweet baby dreams.We love you and you make us proud. You are a strong  woman.

Hello Baby, You had a great day today. Your blood gases looked great all day. Your oxygen need was down to  29% overnight which is the lowest you have been to on the new vent. You gained an ounce and a half. That is great, you love your protein apparently.  You had  Mommy and Daddy come see you today. I had to work when I was scheduled to hold you, so that was frustrating. Instead the nurses scheduled your first bath time!  Neither of us were able to make it to your bath because we were selling furniture to make room for your crib. Nana happened to show up and got to help out with bath time. She says you really enjoyed it and I could tell that Nana did too.

Tomorrow is a big day. I am looking forward to rounds and hopefully good results from the echo. We love you so much. You make us proud.

 

Hello Baby, you had another great day today. I showed up before morning rounds and got to hang out with you for a bit. Doctor Arnab had already examined you. He seems to be the earliest riser of the doctor bunch. He ordered a chest X-ray for you since your overnight blood gases were not good.  I was with you when the  X-ray crew showed up. Shortly after Dr Arnab came back in your room and asked if I wanted to come look at your X-ray. I was totally excited. He brought me back in the Dr room. I felt like a real insider. He explained to me your lungs was much cloudier than in your previous X-rays. Clearly not great news. He told me that this could be caused by lots of different things. It could be from infection that came up from your steroids hindering your immune system, it could be you not handling your new vent well, or it could be the problem with your heart has come back and worsened. That could mean heart surgery, and for a baby under 2 lbs that is clearly dangerous. He said that the anesthesia needed is not good for tiny babies and can have long term neurological side effects. So clearly that is scary.

Morning rounds was as scared as I have been in a while. I had no idea what they would say or decide about your future.  Basically, after much discussion they came up with a plan to monitor you closely until Monday morning when they scheduled an echo cardiogram, and then re evaluate  when results are back. So throughout the next 2 days we will watch your blood gases closely.

Mommy got to hold you again today! You both seemed to love it and each enjoyed a much needed nap.

You had a big new visitor today! My Dad came all the way up from Houston to meet you. I could tell you two hit it off right away! This was one of my proudest moments. I enjoyed introducing you two. You grabbed his finger like you always do mine. It was fun to see. He and I spent the majority of the day together eating, watching a movie and hanging out with you.  We discussed fatherhood a lot. I had new questions and he had new advice that we never really felt the need to  share with each other until now. It was a memorable day.

Throughout the day, your blood gases dramatically improved. Everyone better than the last.  This really relieved stress for me. We will see what Monday morning brings but this is a good sign. We love you and you make us proud.

Hello Baby, You had another great day. Your transition to you new vent is going well. Your lungs are constantly improving. The doctors even say the next time you pull your out your vent tube they are going to test to see how you handle breathing completely on your own. You got your protein and have handled it well. Still no weight gain, but that’s alright for now. A side effect of your steroids can be slowed weight gain. You still digest your food well. The nurses have requested your doctors approve daily holding by your parents. This makes us all happy, and we hope they approve it. You do have Mommy scheduled to hold you tomorrow and she is excited.

Overnight your blood gas stats did not look great. This is concerning as the doctors have even discussed having to put you back on the old ventilator. Things can change so quickly around here. You have more tests scheduled before rounds tomorrow morning. We can only hope for better news. I hope you enjoy your holding time with mom tomorrow. We love you and you make us proud.

Hello Baby, you had another great day today. Your vent settings went down another step and you responded well. You had poopy diapers again without the need of easy-poo medicine. You didn’t gain weight overnight but that’s okay. Your protein is still not here. I will find out in the morning what I need to do to fix that. Someone may get a stern talking to, probably not. This type of thing happens, life is always imperfect. You just have to roll with it and that’s exactly what you are doing.  You will get the wrong food from your waiter, people will cut you off in traffic, even your phone might freeze up on occasion. No worries, you can’t escape those imperfections and frustrations. It’s part of life, accept it early and life will be better.

Mommy and Daddy were both able to see you a lot today. I took a nap this afternoon and  slept right through a touch time. So, I decided to head up at 8 pm to make up for it. I am so glad I did. It was my favorite touch time yet. Upon arrival, I couldn’t find your nurse, she was probably helping another nurse out. I did see the other type of ventilator sitting outside your room. That made me excited, because the doctors had discussed changing you vent tomorrow morning if you had a good day today. So, I at least took this as a sign the day went well. Your nurse came in as I was talking to you and told me she was discussing with the doctor and they decided to change your ventilator now. That was huge news. I was shocked, excited, and a little worried. The new vent will be a whole new way of breathing for you. You will be breathing the natural, slow deep breathe in and slow release. Currently you get hundreds of tiny little puffs of air a minute.

The process to changeover was not that easy. The nurses let me help though. I got to help you feel comfortable by containing you so you felt  safe. So I kept you in a little ball while the nurses rearranged you, your vent, and the entire  room. They had to open your box up during this.So I was able to get really close to you. Your new vent is really quiet, so I took advantage of this and talked to you through the whole process. I could tell you liked the peaceful environment and ability to hear new things. You and I stared at each other for close to a half hour. You were really trying to listen. The nurses finally told me They needed to put the top back on. I could tell they gave us a lot of extra close time.

I felt so thankful for the opportunity to have that special time with you. It was a big step forward in your journey, I got to help in the process and we had some special time together too. It was a great ending to my day. We love you and you make us proud.

Hello Baby, You had another great day. The nurse said you had a quarter sized poop overnight. I thought it was an odd comparison, maybe she got swept up in the meteorologist talk of hail  storms the night before. Whatever the case, its impressive poop.

There is a hold up with the protein your doctors ordered. I guess they aren’t happy about it and have been arguing with there supplier. I think a doctor is actually driving to Joplin to pick you up some. Despite your lack of extra protein and your giant hail poop you gained 30 grams. So that’s exciting. You have responded well to your constant lowering of vent settings.

I got to see you at 5pm and you grabbed on to my finger just like you had Mommy a few days ago. I held hands with my daughter for the first of many many times. My heart melted thinking of holding your hand crossing the street or in a parking lot someday. I look forward to it Holland. We love you and you make us proud.