Letters to Holland

Hello Baby! You had another great day. The doctors lowered another setting on your ventilator. You  have been eating well all day, but still no weight gain lately. The doctors changed your touch times to every three hours instead of every 4. Selfishly, I like it because that is more times a day I can interact with you, but you also get less sleep which is not great. The thinking behind the change is that you required more frequent feeds so aligning touch times and feed times would still give you more overall rest. I guess I agree. Your lungs seem to be progressing, you’ve stopped all antibiotics, your heart and brain seem to be all clear of problems as well. This new era is when we focus on the digest system. If you digest the food, you will grow and all your systems will improve.You have been stable on weight lately, but the protein is on the way. We love you and you make us proud.

Hello Baby, you had another great day. Your vent settings got turned down a little and you handled it well. The doctors decided to add protein to your milk to try and help you pack on some pounds. BEEFCAKE! I get the feeling they wish you were gaining weight a little faster. You have plateaued a little and are kind of stable at 1 lb 10 oz. I hope this helps. They are also going to start a round of steroids for your lungs to grow faster. I get the idea you may be just a bit behind on this too. It doesn’t seem to be outside of expectations. The doctors plan on babies your size needing a little help along the way, and that’s what this is.

Mommy got to see you again today! I know you loved that. Nana also changed your diaper for the first time today!! You made it easy on her and didn’t poop. You’re a real sweetheart. Save it for Daddy. All else is good. You get stronger by the minute. We love you bunches.  

Hello Baby. You had another great day. We love spending time with you. Your big sister has strep throat. So Mommy had to spend the day with her. She is concerned about spreading it to you. Row is on antibiotics now, so mom will be back to see you tomorrow. Your lungs seem to be doing well. You have been getting some more fluid in your lungs lately, but your oxygen requirements have yet to increase. The doctors keep adjusting your vent, but nothing too drastic yet.

The doctors also adjust your feeding schedule and amounts often. You have been spitting up a lot towards the end of your feedings. Your stomach is just really small. So they have decided to up the frequency of feedings to lower the amount each time. This allows you to get the same amount over the day just in smaller doses. Unfortunately, this doesn’t line up with touch times anymore. So you constantly have people doing stuff for you and probably don’t get as much sleep. You have been a little cranky lately. That’s okay baby, let it out. I get it.

The congregation at my church all prayed for you again today and my friend who is a pastor in Texas mentioned you in his sermon this week. Daddy also had a friend from work come by and meet  you. He brought some delicious muffins. He had a child in the NICU and a niece that was born about your size. He showed me pictures of them today, years later, and they look great. I always get a soothing calm feeling when I hear those stories. We all love you and you make us proud. Thanks for another great day of fatherhood.

Hello Baby, you had another great day! I had to work again today so I didn’t get to see you as much as I hoped. You mother happily picked up the slack and spent most of the day with you. I don’t think you got lonely.

The doctors decided to lower some of your settings on your vent today! I love to see that. You have reached full feeding quantity. That’s also good news. The doctors have increased the time in takes to feed you. You had been spitting up a little towards the end of your feeds. So now they feed you 19 ml over 90 minutes. So it’s a little slower process. They expect that to help your spitting up. Your oxygen requirements stayed low all day even after the lower settings. The doctors are considering switching you back to the previous ventilator everyday. I hear them discussing all the time. I think it may be coming but they have yet to pull the trigger.

Your Nana came to see you again today. I know how much she likes seeing you. You really make her happy and proud too. She even got to touch you today. That really makes her happy. You are lucky to have such a great extended family. There is just a herd of people waiting to love you everyday. You are a lucky girl, but not as lucky as we are to have you. You are a blessing to hundreds of people and you haven’t even left your hospital room yet. There are people following your story that haven’t met you or your parents yet. You inspire and teach people daily. We love you!

Hello Baby, You did great again today. The doctors increased your feed amounts and your oxygen requirements have remained steady throughout the day. You are weighing in at 1 lb, 10 oz. I can’t believe how big you are getting. Morning rounds with the doctors went really well. No real news there, just another day bigger and stronger.

You had a new visitor, my old friend Adam. We went to school together and have been friends for like 20 years. You really seemed to like him too. You stared at him for awhile. I think because he has long flowing hair and a goatee, you may have been a little confused. You didn’t judge, he is your friend now too. He says you are “neat.” That’s pretty high praise coming from Adam. Mommy got to meet Adam for the first time too, she is jealous of his hair.

During a touch time you grabbed on to Mommy’s finger as you were drifting back to sleep. You held on and held on. She didn’t want to pull it away from you, but you clasp on to her for like 30 minutes and you needed to have some alone time tosleep.

You had such a big poopy overnight that they had to change out your bed. Good job girl! Also overnight your oxygen requirements dropped all the way down to the mid 30s. That is the lowest I have ever seen. This is such big news. The development of your lungs is our biggest priority right now. I imagine tomorrow they may lower some of your ventilator settings. Thank you for another wonderful day of fatherhood. This had been the best 3 weeks of my life.

Hello Baby,

You look great! It was fun showing you off today. You make us proud. You are constantly  growing. You are 1 lb 10 oz today. That is up 10 oz from your lowest weight. You are up to 15 ml per feeding now. You have handled the food well. Overnight, you finally had your giant poo we have all been waiting for. I wanted cake to celebrate, but Mommy says I should slow my cake intake. She is a smart woman and probably right on this one. Your oxygen needs have stayed low all day. You sleep on your tummy a lot now and seem to enjoy it. Its adorable.

The doctors ordered another echo cardiogram to look at your heart. The PDA that you had before, and had closed after your medicine, is now opened back up. Its not as open as it was before but it was closed a couple days ago. The doctors don’t plan to treat right now as it is small enough they aren’t concerned, but they will continue to monitor it. You are also on thyroid medicine which is a regular thing for preemies your size.

Today you had a very special visitor all the way from Manhattan Kansas, your great grandmother. It was pretty cool seeing you, Mommy, Gam Gam, and great grandmother all in one room. Mommy was clearly proud. Your great grandmother just kept saying you were precious. She cried a lot and obviously loves you.

Overall, today was great. You grew another day, ad became another day stronger. You keep fighting baby girl, you make us all proud.

 

 

 

 

Hello baby, you had another great day today. It was one of my favorites.

All of your feedings have gone well lately still no big poops, but the nurses don’t seem too concerned. They have a suppository scheduled to  give you later this evening. I’ve had that before, you won’t enjoy it, but hopefully it gets the job done. Your ventilator settings are moving in the right direction. You  seem stable and growing which is really all we can hope for. We are all happy.

Big new developments, I got to hold you!! I’ve held babies before, but nothing like this. Usually my thoughts while holding a baby revolve around not dropping or sneezing on it. I’ve always thought babies smell a little weird, and maybe I smell  weird to them too. Don’t get me wrong its cool holding babies, but I never felt all that comfortable. Well holding you was different, in every way. You are by far the smallest most fragile baby I’ve ever seen or held. I didn’t worry about anything. There is something different in your brain when you hold your baby. I can’t  explain it well, but you just sort of feel calm and warm inside, like the two of us melt into one. It was the most relaxed and peaceful I can ever remember being. Nothing else mattered. It was a feeling of content like everything in the  world was ok. It was Utopian.I just can’t wait for you to feel it someday with your child. I love you more everyday. Being a parent is the coolest, just wait until you’re ready though. I’m 36, don’t wait that long but just figure out life  little first. Okay, I’m done being over bearing father, for now o will figure it out.

Hello baby, You look great today. You were extra cute today. Your Nana and Papa Ken came and saw you today. Nana cried as usual, lol. They both love you very much and love spending time with you. You kept getting more and more feedings and almost no poop. That’s ok for now, because your stomach is empty by the next feeding time,  but we are still waiting for for the big release.  Your oxygen needs stayed pretty high for the rest of the day. Your chest X-ray was ok, but also showed the higher pressure on the vent  was needed.

Mommy and Daddy were at your 7pm touch time. You were wide awake and stayed awake through the whole session. We didn’t want to just leave you wide awake like that. So, Mommy sung you a lullaby, and I slowly started covering your box with  a blanket to dim the lighting. It took a couple minutes, but you started looking drowsy and batting your eye lids. You slowly drifted off peacefully to sleep. It was adorable and a  moment between a family that felt normal. Not like a hospital moment, but a normal moment. We just as easily could have been in our comfortable home in your crib experiencing this. That’s really how it felt. It was a family in love  doing a family thing, that’s all, and it was perfect.

Overnight your oxygen needs dropped back to around 40%. This is good news. Daddy was not able to hold you today because your vent settings had been so high. This lower setting makes me think tomorrow may be a possibility. We love you and you make us proud.

Hello Baby, You look great today. I am so proud of how well you are doing. You look all grown up. All of your staff say how pretty you are and I couldn’t agree more. Your oxygen requirement is staying in low 50s, upper 40s all  day today. That is really good compared to the 70s and 80s from a few days ago.  Your feedings are up to  6ml per and going to 8ml per this evening. So far you have responded well but we are waiting for a big poopy diaper. You had gone off of feedings with your recent medicine and blood transfusion. So waiting a bit is not concerning, but with that being said Daddy would be happy for a dookie.

In to the night after Mommy and Daddy left your oxygen requirements raised to the 90s. This is the highest you’ve ever needed. The doctor’s ordered the mean pressure on your  vent to be raised and that has helped.  Your requirements are back in the mid 40s, but there is definitely something going on since yesterday. Every time they adjust your settings back up I feel like it may be a step back. It is really not just an adjustment. The doctor’s requested another chest X-ray and we plan to hear more about the results in rounds.

We love you and are very proud parents. We are both happy everyday we get to spend with you.

Hello Baby, You had another great day today. I unfortunately had my first full 24 hr shift back at the fire station today. I did not enjoy it. While I was able to focus on work I missed  you more than other times I had been away. This is the longest stretch I’ve been away. Your mother did a great job filling me in on all the stuff going on up there. She was able to introduce you to her dear friend Leigh Ann. They had a great day together and she loved meeting you.

So your ventilator settings have been turned back down pretty consistently since they changed your vent tube yesterday. This is great news since we had been warned that the slow progress may have been more about how immature your lungs were and not an infection. Today your settings are more in the window of what we would hope for than the last few days. So we are hoping that this progress keeps up and you catch up on the vent weening process.

Another big step we are undertaking is the quantity of milk you  are fed. The doctors are hoping to see that your digestive tract is ready for this big step. Lately, you have been getting 2 ml every 4 hrs. They plan to increase by 2 ml per feeding each day over the next week and watch closely how you digest it. I feel like we have moved body system by system and this digestive tract is next. Your brain scans came back good, your heart responded to medicine and we are watching lung development very closely. This next step seems to be your digestive tract. We will hope and pray things will continue to go well.

I plan to have my chance to hold you later this week. I look forward to it. I saw how happy Mom was and I am excited for my chance to experience it. We both love you and are so proud.