Day 2 02-05-17, Meet Mommy!

Hey Baby, I love you. Today was another day of first. I changed my first ever diaper; Mommy touched you for the first time and I fell more in love than I ever thought possible. I have a little routine down that helps make life less stressful. You will learn that I am a little over structured in times of stress. I hope some day you notice it and think it’s part annoying and part cute, just like your mom does, although she likes to be more verbal of the annoying part.

So in the morning I usually wake up about 530, you are always the first thing in my mind, I brush my teeth and walk down to the NICU family lounge. Here I journal about the previous day and pray and think of you. As I write this I am in the lounge enjoying mediocre coffee wondering about the story behind the guy asleep on this couch. I’ve seen him walking around here a few times. I’ve started recognizing parents and medical staff around and striking up more conversations. It’s been fun taking moments away from the routine to share stories.

I had a long talk with your doctor this morning. He seems extremely smart and nice. What he may lack in social norms I imagine he makes up for in brain power. His credentials are pretty long. We are trusting him and others to help you get healthy and big. I think he goes by Vish; he has a long name I can’t pronounce. I like him. You have 5 doctors that take 24hr shifts to plan your care. Every morning at 9, except Sundays they take rounds and meet with other doctors and specialist and go room by room meeting with family and explaining their plan. Mom and I are planning on being there for all of these.

My first meeting with him he started by making fun of me about passing out. He wasn’t there but the word got around I guess, awesome, really cool. He then told me about what to expect, ups, downs, good times, and bad. He didn’t sugar coat anything he was very direct. No one knows. Not even this Vish fella who is probably the smartest guy I’ve ever been near. That’s kind of the feeling we get, we just don’t know, it is scary but we are hopeful.  Vish tells me to be active in your care, change diapers, be at rounds to hear them and ask questions. So I tell myself I can do it and promise you to try my best.

I try to come see you every 4 hours when nurses take your vitals and change your diapers. Part of your care plan is to only disturb you with touch, light, or sound every 4 hours.  I make it to most, other than 11pm and 3am. I’m usually in a recliner sleeping next to your mom in her room. I showed you off a lot today. Every time we saw you you had new visitors. First was your aunt Erin and Uncle Eric and Nana at 11am, then grandma her friend Mickey, Judson and Rowan and Mommy!!! She was able to get out of bed to come see you and touch you. There are only 4 visitors allowed in your room at once, so I wasn’t there for the first time she touched you. I was a little bummed out about that, but I didn’t think about it until I sat outside the NICU when those 4 all went to see you. Judson was nice enough to come back with Rowan quickly and let me come in and see mommy touch you. I loved it. She was so happy to be with you. She was distraught over having to wait so long. I could see relief and love and joy all over her face. She was also scared and felt guilty for having you early. We all know it’s not her fault and reassured her. I think it helped. She loves you.

So today was Superbowl Sunday!!!! I doubt you care much about that, but i will tell you a bit about it anyways. The Falcons and Patriots played in one of the best games ever! The first overtime Superbowl game ever. I had a good time watching it. Your mother watched a show on her computer. The halftime show was Lady Gaga. People say it was good too, but I was in your room changing your diaper for the first time ever and your mom took your temperature under your arm. It was awesome, it made me feel like a useful dad. I always enjoy feeling useful. Your little butt crack is adorable. It was about as long as my pinky nail is wide. I loved it, lol. I love you. I love being a dad. You make me happy. I hope and pray one day you will have your own child and be able to feel this kind of love. I feel like i’m floating on clouds every time i see you.

Love. Love wins. Love is always the right decision. Let love guide you. Our country and our world has had a difficult, divisive, time lately. It’s been too full of anger, resentment, hate and petty differences keeping humanity separated. This experience with you has taught me one thing. I know it. People love each other. People are good. Love is the answer. We may forget that sometimes, but love will save us all. I love God and hope you will too someday. God loves you too. I’ve had countless people reach out and share their stories, love and prayers. You have hundreds of people loving, thinking and praying for you who haven’t met you. Love wins. People are good. Love will save us. I love you. Mom loves you. God Loves you. This world loves you. You deserve every ounce of it.  When you get older remember this.Devote your life to love and you will win.