Day 14, 2-17-17; Fear and Loving in the NICU

Hello Baby, We love you and are so proud of you. You are beautiful. You are the best thing I’ve ever had. Today was a mixture or fear, love, and hope. The first of the two big events was that one of our favorite nurses Jenn while discussing procedures and expectations, which she always is great about, explained that we can hold you soon. We will not be able to hold you like most might think of, but still super cool. Mommy or I can lay down on a bed during a touch time and the nurses will lift you up off your bed, scoot your bed off to the side and scoot one of us  under you then lay you back down on top of us. We will then basically be your bed until next touch time 4 hours later. The thought of this immediately excited Mom enough to ask for it right now. Mommy was ready, I was scared. Turns out I like your bed and your box. They make me feel like you are safe and protected from germs and the world. I guess we have to let you sooner or later. So we have scheduled this for early next week given things stay on the same positive track. I finally came around and I am now pretty excited too.

Today your chest X-ray came back looking like you may have the beginnings of a respiratory infection.  The doctors had also been concerned with the slower rate of weening of oxygen and ventilator settings you’ve experienced lately. You have been stable, but not making much progress. The combination of these two factors is a little scary and the doctors immediately started you on antibiotics. We have another chest X-ray scheduled tomorrow to see the progression or regression of the possible infection.  As the day moved on your ventilator settings and oxygen percentage needed increasing. It looks like the doctors  may have been right. Infections can turn bad quick in babies your size. I had been so optimistic the last few days I almost forgot what great risks still linger. This is a  reminder of reality. We must be thankful for every moment you are here. It could all end at any moment. We still believe in you and have faith in your team of medical professionals, but we also are more aware of our reality. You are fragile, very fragile. You are also strong though, very strong. You have many who love and support you, and all who spend time with you cherish it. We love you and you make us proud.